Final Fantasy XIII Ectopudding
by DennyTribal
Summary: Collab between me and my sister, Rinnu500.   What if the events of FF XIII didn't happen the way you thought they did? What if Snow composed songs for evrey scene,Hope had a perversion problem and Fang cursed in every sentence? Well, have fun.
1. OMG! You Ectopudding'd Hope's Mom!

**Ritsu: You may call me Ritsu, but here on FF I am known as Rinnu500. This is a crackcollab between me and my sis, DennyTribal. I shall warn you, there will be character bashing… Just sayin'. The first chapter's written by me, the second will be written by my sis, the third by me and so on. And NOW! Over to the awesome narrator of this story, the epic Cactuar … Federico!**

**Federico: Ah, it is a pleasure to be here! I hope you will enjoy my narrative skills and the story in general. Please enjoy.**

**Also, I take no responsibility. I'm merely following the script Ritsu and Denny write for me. .,.**

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><p><em>The Hanging Edge, Random Bridge.<em>

"Hold on, I'll save you, cause I'm a **HERO**!" Snow yelled, holding onto the blonde woman for dear life. Thing was, he was the one in need of saving. Nora, as the woman was named at birth, was holding onto the edge of the now collapsed bridge, Snow clutching her legs in fear. Eventually she felt her grip slipping, since a certain 'hero' tried climbing her, and shoved her hands aside to pull himself up.

"Whew, that was close! You okay?" he spoke, turning his head to look. But she was gone.

"… Oh shit…" he muttered when he realized he just caused her to fall off a bridge, to her most likely imminent death. Scratching his head nervously, Snow decided to retreat. And so he found a convenient pair of boxes to hide behind.

"This moment needs… a song!"

**When you've had a bad day,**

**Killed someone straight.**

**Made a kid sad and frown the whole damn night.**

**Then make it all right,**

**Kill someone else,**

**Tell the kid you were the wrong guy~**

But then, suddenly, he got pimpslapped by a redhead, her corkscrews(Alas, I, Federico, speak of her hair.) bouncing with every move.

"You killed her! You bastard! I should Ectopudding you right now!" she yelled, slapping the poor blonde over and over. Which forced poor Snow to actually defend himself. And so he gave her a push, successfully ramming the girl into the bridge railing. But she was quick on her feet, and so she drew a weapon this time.

"I'm going to whip you till your face looks like an Adamantoise butt!"

"T_T This needs another song…"

**I got pimpslapped by a chick,**

**Oh noes, oh noes!**

**I got pimpslapped by a chick.**

**Oh noes, oh noes, HEY!**

**The chick went forth and dissed my song,**

**Oh noes, oh noes!**

**The chick even kicked my poor groin,**

**Oh noes, damn that hurt!**

"Shut up!"

_Error! Error!_

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><p><strong>Federico: It appears we have some technical difficulties… Well, I take no responsibility! <strong>

**Le gasp! I have been discovered! I must escape, sexily! *escapes sexily through a convenient ventilation shaft***


	2. The world is so Ectopudding'd

**DennyTribal here! As you've read this is a crackcollab between moah~ and my twinsis Rinnu500.**

**Federico: Oh goodness my reputation is screwed… Your grammar is awful..**

**Me: … Anyway. None of us owns FF 13. Now excuse me as I go kill spacebars all over the place….Ectopudding!~ **

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><p>She sat patiently in the train waiting for the right moment to stop it. A man who had followed her sat beside her mumbling to himself about the floor being.. Pretty. A guard came to see if everyone was behaving in the train wagon. Lightning quickly pulled of her weird cloak revealing herself in front of him. The guard began shooting at her but she quickly jumped out of the way landing behind him<p>

"I'm so gonna kill you now yay! :D" She spoke clapping her hands together. In a second she took out her sword and changed it to its gun mode shooting him.

She skipped over to the next wagon humming on the victory theme. The man who had followed her still followed her, also he had taken of his cloak.

As they both got to the next wagon the side of it suddenly flew of. Lightning looked out through the giant hole.

"Wow!" She turned to the dark skinned man known as Sazh. "Look! The city is totally screwed! 8D" She smiled as some people just got shot.

"And yet it's so pretty!" Sazh stood in awe 'til a giant robot scorpion stopped the train. They managed to jump out of it in time totally forgetting about the other innocent people in it.

As they landed on the ground they had to face the robot. Within the minute it was destroyed and they both began walking away from there.

"Chirp chirp twerp!" Something said from Sazh's hair. Lightning stared big eyed at it.

"It's my pretty lil chocobo who's on Chocobook again." Sazh smiled.

"Cool! I've always wanted a chocobo but I'm aller- ATCHOO!"

"Tissue?"

"Yes please."

So the two humans walked away from the train wreck.

"Aww look at that cute dog!" Sazh cooed as the two of them hid behind some boxes as soldiers with their dogs was patrolling in front of them.

"I'll kill chuuuu~! Lightning exclaimed happily as she ran towards them with her gun-sword in hand. With a big smile on her face she shot them all clearing the way. _Accidently _killing some innocent people along the way.

Some shooting innocent people later they got to a dead end.

"It seems we have to do a pretty jump to get down." Sazh spoke leaning forward to see down. It was at least 50 meters down.

"I have this awesome thingie that summons this stuff that catches us." She took Sazh's hand and jumped down with him. "WHEEEE~!"

Now that surviving thing was a good plan, if she had remembered to actually turn it on…

_She approached them both carefully. Where they dead? She wondered poking the pink haired woman._

_"I'm being poked yay!" The woman cheered in her unconsciousness state._

_"Poke, poke, poke~." The girl chirped as she continued poking._

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><p><strong>Federico: Le gasp! You found me again! :O I'mma escape sexually! *escapes sexually in a ferrai*<strong>


	3. Into The Third Ectopudding

**Woot! Chappie three up! :D I"M TERRIBLE SORRY FOR LATENESS! And it was Rinnu who was going to write chappie 3 but she had no inspiration and time for writing this. But at least here's a new chapter!**

**Federico: DennyTribal don't own FF XIII. But she could learn her grammar…**

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><p>Lightning and Sazh both woke up some hour later after the fall.<p>

"Goodness my pretty back hurts." Sazh groaned as he stood up holding his hand on his back.

"Look on the good side! We survived a fall which is impossible to survive! :D" Lightning cheered between "ow".

They both limped their way onwards. As they got further, more soldiers showed up. They hid themselves as they thought of some plan to get away from there.

Magically they managed to limp their way through unseen. Not really. The soldiers had their 3 o clock tea… Great timing huh?

As they got further they met cieths. However the cieths, which is a monster, hadn't any 3 o clock tea. The two hid themselves again. Lightning came up with a brilliant idea if you hadn't consider the fact they could barely walk.

"Let's break through!" With that said Lightning limped her way through. The cieths sweatdropped as they watched them both limp slowwwly away from them. Humans are so weird.. They thought as the followed them by walking.

"The pretty monsters are after us." Sazh noted as a cieth walked beside him.

"Cool!" Lightning replied.

The chocobo jumped out from Sazh's hair sweat dropping at the two enormous stupid humans. The cieths who know was amazed by the little bird stood in awe around it.

As the two humans limped their way away again sounds from cameras was heard behind them. Yes even monsters has cameras.

It had seem they had gotten onto the falcie Anima somehow. Both stood dumbfounded as they realized they had gotten onto it. Then they danced and sang happy songs... Seriously, they did. And then they got a lot of pain. But if you wanna be pretty you have to pay for it. Both money and pain. Anyway.

"Curaja!" The red head who had poked Lightning before shouted from high above the two.

"Who has the pretty voice?" Sazh asked looking around.

"I dunno but the voice healed our wounds! YAY!" Lightning began humming on the victory team from ff IX while dancing.

So the two healed plus the chocobo who had returned to them was now facing their worst enemy ever.

A door! Wait.. A door? Err… Anyway..

They had to get to the other side somehow. Lightning who always had her brilliant ideas which often included "Let's break through!" Which also this was. She rammed the door in full speed.

BAM!

Nothing happened except the fact Lightning got her face smashed. What a silly woman she is. And stubborn. She went for it again. Full speed and then magically the door opened which led to Lightning stumbled and fell down on the ground.. And yet she was smiling brightly.

Her face didn't even change when she saw her sister Serah together with Snow and two kids.

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><p><strong>Federico: Le gasp! I must escape this grammar sexually! *Escapes sexually into a forest*<strong>


End file.
